I made a mistake and blinked and suddenly my baby turned two months old. From what I hear the next time I blink he’ll be going off to college.
Here’s hoping he can sleep through the night by then.
(I kid, I kid. But, seriously, child. Sleep at night is awesome. You should try it some time*.)
Before that next blink happens I thought I would take stock of these past two months and see what I can remember about them. Here are the headlines from what I remember.
The first two weeks gave me a false sense of security
Here’s what happens to your baby the first two weeks of existence:
The baby sleeps. All the time. Better yet: the baby sleeps anywhere. Through anything. True story: my best friend/sisterfromanothermother Kaleen came to visit us and we walked to a restaurant nearby when Connor was a week old and we sat outside on the patio. In the middle of lunch a fire engine pulled out of the station across the street, engines blaring. It was deafening. I looked over at the baby, terrified that our amazing lunch was about to be babyscreamed only to see Wee Connor completely oblivious to the noise. My husband, apparently still unaware that almost anything he said at this point could send a hormone-raging new mom into a worry spiral made a joke about him being deaf. My eyes immediately bugged out and I — of course — fell into a hormone-raging new mom worry spiral and then the entire rest of lunch was spent with me periodically trying to make little noises by Wee Connor’s ears, only to have him disdainfully kind of rouse and wonder why the heck these silly parentpeople were snapping by his ears, then fall right back into a baby coma. This is what the first two weeks are like.
Because the baby is sleeping so much you can do things like laundry or sleep or the dishes and you think, “Wow! What is so hard about this?” I must have the best baby ever.
And then all of a sudden, like Skynet, the baby becomes self aware. Madness ensues. The baby realizes that he has actually been expelled into the world and this is not only a permanent situation but an undesirable one at that. This is when the real crying, fussiness, “witching hour” in the evenings, everything you hear about that is hard about baby-rearing comes to fruition.
Maybe someone told me about this magical first few weeks, but if they did I can’t remember hearing about it.
You may choose two: shower, nap, lunch.
Let it be known I will never, ever take these two things during the newborn stage for granted:
1. Knowing that when I put the baby somewhere he will stay there
2. Being able to put ridiculous clothes and outfits of my choosing on him
I still have no how one tiny little human being can produce so much laundry.
Cloth diaper moms, I don’t know how you do it. I commend not only your fortitude but your washing machine; you both must be exhausted. I cannot imagine a single more load of laundry, let alone the laundry it takes for cloth diapers.
And here’s the thing: we have been beyond blessed to receive an absolute abundance of clothes for Wee Connor so that he can go weeks (WEEKS!) probably without needing to do laundry for his clothes**. However, there is still so much laundry. Changing pad covers, sheets, blankets, spitup cloths, footie pajamas that are easy to take on and off, the play mat…it all has to be washed fairly regularly because of the varying types of liquids that leak out of the varying orifices on my baby’s body.
Once the initial two week coma passed and my baby became a real baby I don’t think I have gotten more than 5 loads of parentpeople laundry done yet.
The child weighs just over 11 pounds. How can he have this much stuff associated with him to wash?
I say these words all the time because ohmygoodnessbabysocks. Not only are they impossibly small but I am constantly baffled as to why newborn socks all have rubber grippy things on the bottom of them. It is not like the baby is going anywhere without a parentperson. They don’t need the traction. Why do they all have rubber traction grippy bottoms?
The mysteries of baby socks are neverending to me.***
It’s still totally worth it
I love admitting it: I love my job now. Motherhood may be confusing, but it quite simply rocks. I may remember labor, get much less sleep than I used to, be fascinated by things like baby socks instead of world events, and be confused on how to wear winter layers and still breastfeed (any suggestions???), but I love it. Every minute.
*We’re working on it. Blog post on its success or (hopefully not!) lack thereof is forthcoming.
**Only a slight exaggeration
***Maybe I should just label this section: the things that suddenly amaze you when you are only sleeping 4 hour stretches at a time would peel paint they are so boring to the outside world. Noted.