Well, it’s been over a month since Wee Connor made his dramatic entrance into the world and it seems like it has been approximately two and a half seconds. Because I’m a, shall we say, selective hippie I have decided to try exclusively to breast feed exclusively and, other than some formula that was given semi-against my will while Connor had a stint in the NICU, I have been successful! Yay!
However, something that nobody told me about was that you should probably be prepared for the mind-numbing times in this first month of things to think about/do while your little baby is actually breastfeeding. Wee Connor feeds every 2-4 hours and during these times – especially in the first month when you both are trying to get the hang of things – you have the use of one hand and are pinned to a chair/couch. After you realize that looking at your baby in amazement might not fulfill your literal hours of time while feeding, activities start to surface. Remember that many of these chunks of time are taking place in the middle of the night around 3:30am. Doing intellectually stimulating things like “catching up on your reading you’ve been meaning to do” are just not in my milieu at these hours, and as such this is the list of what is in my wheelhouse in the middle of the night.
(P.S. Unsolicited recommendation: the biggest recommendation I can make if you’re breastfeeding: the My Brest Friend pillow. It is beyond worth its money and ridicule you will endure from older generations such as your mom.)
Finding things to add to my Netflix queue
If I had to guess at how much time while breastfeeding I spend browsing the Netflix lists for recommendations and adding titles to my queue, I would probably say 50%. Note this is not actually watching the titles, but simply browsing and adding titles to my queue.
Why I don’t just watch any of the things I add to my queue but find it more enjoyable to explore the lists Netflix has arranged for me (Teen Movies from the 80s? TELL ME MORE, NETFLIX!) is beyond me. I didn’t say it’s logical, but again, nothing is really all that logical at 4:30 in the morning.
Trying to figure out the Netflix algorithms
If you ever want to plummet yourself into a dark place of mental energy, this is the activity for you.
What are the formulas they use to recommend titles and categories for me? Were my hours of watching essentially wasted before Netflix introduced multiple accounts and now my husband’s account has all the recommendations that aren’t completely lame? Is that why his recommendations include Louis C.K. and mine have The Carrie Diaries? Why is there a category that includes both Clue (one of my all-time favorite movies, by the way) and SE7EN? How does that even happen?!?
I am only left with questions. No answers.
Contemplating and figuring out how to fold a fitted sheet
Get real now.
The E! Network game
I have come up with a new game. It’s called “Is there anything on E! other than Sex and the City reruns or a new Kardashian show and then one airing of The Soup that makes its way onto my DVR each week?” (working title).
The answer is no, no there is not.
If you find something other than Sex and the City or a Kardashian show, you win a prize. Unfortunately for you, this game is as rigged as a state fair ring toss game. You will lose.
(P.S. I secretly do like Sex and the City, which is how I came up with this game. You can judge appropriately.)
Contemplating how much of the breast milk that is coming out of my boobs will end up ON my boobs after this feeding.
The answer is a lot.
Hint about babies: spit up happens. Get used to it.
Giving up the ghost and just turning on another episode of Grey’s Anatomy
The amount of Grey’s Anatomy I have watched during both pregnancy and subsequent motherhood has been disgusting.
But I don’t care. It’s exactly as mentally stimulating as I need it at 3:30 in the morning, and I figure if it makes me happy it can’t be that bad, right? This has become my mantra of motherhood, honestly. A happy, confident mom will pass those feelings on is my theory, and if Grey’s Anatomy is on that path, then so be it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, Season 9 of Grey’s is calling my name. Shush your fuss!