8 Months Down. Holy #$*@.

Here is a list of what I thought I would have done when I hit 8 months pregnant:

  • E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

You may commence the laughter now. I have. My laughter might be a tad maniacal, but we can all laugh together nonetheless.

oprah overwhelmedThe most common question I get now is a well-intentioned one: “So, are you all ready?” to which I desperately try to hide a look of complete terror and shock and desire to scream back, “Of course I’m not ready! I am about to give birth to a tiny dependent human being that I created and then I’m expected to somehow take care of it! I have to [insert any number of horrific things I have to do here, including, but not limited to, hanging curtains, finishing hanging the decorations in the nursery, getting the house/carpets cleaned, ordering the final things needed from my registries, pack my hospital bag, figure out what goes into my hospital bag, learning how to care for a baby, etc.] first!” By now in the conversation the person jovially asking if we’re ready, assuming that we are capable adults who, by all measures, should be ready, sees my thinly veiled smile and after my inevitable response of a weak, high-pitched, “…allllmoooost, haaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!” quickly changes topics or pretends that I’m not pregnant at all and shifts into a safer and less stressful conversation topic like sports, the weather, or Vladimir Putin.

Both Tax Lawyer Husband and I are panicking about different things that have to get done yesterday, and because we are apparently in conflict on what our #1 priorities are, this means that nothing is progressing at all. The fact that I’m now 8 months pregnant means that if I lift anything larger than a spatula in the presence of TLH he freaks out completely. This is not helping the “getting stuff done” case, especially since he is now in busy season at his accounting firm and he is working all the time. “We probably should have planned this all better” has become our mantra.

For reference, here is TLH’s “MUST DO THIS NOW”/”must do before the baby arrives” list:

  • Put together the hospital bag so we are “ready to go at any time.” Nevermind the fact that when I ask him what should go in the hospital bag he is so desperate to pack his answer usually involves picking a DVD to watch in the “down times during labor” (HA! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. ha.), the iPad, and chargers. Okay then.
  • Nothing else
Seriously, these are the only things on my mind right now.

Seriously, these are the only things on my mind right now.

Even though I have created an entire Google Docs shared spreadsheet called “Babypalooza” with a sheet that is literally titled “WE NEED TO GET THESE THINGS DONE”with many items I can’t do on it, the only thing he wants to do is pack the Star Wars DVDs in a bag by the door, which at this point if it would get him to move on and help with things like “putting the nursery back in working order after hanging a giant map mural in 6 panels on the wall [of which 5 are hung, by the way]”, I’d be willing to do it. I am, in the meantime, going to order a new pair of my favorite LL Bean Slippers, since they are, in fact, the best slippers of all time and all I can think about are cold feet in the hospital, so clearly my sense of priorities are probably not where they should be, either.

The fact I need to keep in mind before the next well-intentioned person asks me if everything is done yet is that while time is ticking away faster than we ever could have imagined, it will get done, and while things may not be as perfect and put together as I had hoped at 8 months, that’s life. And, apparently, a good reminder for how parenthood will go.

And if we ever do finish the nursery, I’ll be sure to take some pictures of it. I promise.

Right now though? I think I’ll have a cookie, a latte, and a healthy dose of zen/to-do list writing.

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