Reasons I’m crying while pregnant

Have you ever seen the blog (now book) called “Reasons My Son Is Crying“? If you haven’t, it’s a good laugh. The premise is exactly what it sounds like – people take pictures of their children crying when their child is crying for reasons where the only reaction to the sobfest is a picture and a mention in a wedding toast 20-30 years down the road. Examples include “the neighbor’s dog isn’t outside today” or “her shoelaces were too floppy” or “Chipotle was closed” (which, to be fair on that last one, I hear ya, buddy.).

I started thinking that perhaps I could start my own list inspired by this titled, “reasons I’m crying while pregnant.” Everyone told me what a ridiculous emotional wreck I would be and that my emotions would make no sense whatsoever and that I could go through every emotion ever in the matter of 5 minutes. I am here to tell you all that everyone was right. I think the worst culmination of these emotions, though, are the random outbursts of tears that seem to suddenly exude from my face leaving my poor husband standing there holding me asking, “why are you crying??? What’s wrong???”

I would like to present to you a few of those reasons I have given to him.

“There were no Brussels sprouts at the grocery store.”

brussels-sprouts-vitamin-c-lgI came home with a perfectly suitable vegetable alternative, by the way. Normally by the time I am cooking dinner I would have forgotten that I even wanted Brussels sprouts, but since I’m pregnant apparently, I cried when I started dinner. And as I cried and my husband hugged and asked what was wrong, all I could muster was, “there were no Brussels sprouts at the grocery store.”

“I don’t want to make dinner tonight.”

Let me preface this: I normally love to cook. However, one night, when I got all the ingredients out for dinner and started organizing them, I burst out into tears. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t eat the food once it was done or I had had a particularly horrible day, or that I was extremely tired. It was literally the thought that I had to cook that meal, that night. It wasn’t even that the thought of going out was appealing, either. I guess I just wanted the food that I had in my refrigerator to Mary Poppins itself into a fully prepared state in front of me. (Not that that wouldn’t be awesome any time at all, though.)

I think we ordered Indian food to go. It was awesome.

“I’m too tired to move.”

so so so tiredThere is simply no preparing you for the level of tired you feel during the first trimester of pregnancy. I imagined being tired, sure – your body is doing all sorts of things to create a liveable space for a human for 9 months and I get tired just rearranging my closet – but I never, ever imagined that the “tired” people spoke of was actually “energy level of a coma patient.”  There were points in the first trimester when petting my dog felt like more of an effort than running a 5k. One night getting up from the couch to go to bed just proved to be too much to think about and, you guessed, it: waterworks.

“I learned the wrong language.”

In preparation for my trip to France, Luxembourg, and Belgium I decided to pick up a new hobby a few months ago of re-learning French. It has since become a minor obsession. However, my husband and I really want to introduce Wee Connor to Spanish as a language by reading him books, showing him movies, and maybe even talking to him in Spanish as much as we can so that he can pick it up “naturally” (whatever that means) and easily, and then hopefully keep it up through school.

I don’t even know if there was even something that prompted it, but one day I just looked up with tears in my eyes and whimpered, “I learned the wrong language! And now I’ve been learning French and the baby is coming in two and a half months and if I’m too stupid to not use run-on sentences like in this one even that how am I going to fit in another language into this dumb pregnancy brain?! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?

Real life.

“I want Entenmann’s chocolate doughnuts.”

I know they’re processed food crap.

I know they’re processed food crap.

I know they’re processed food crap.

I want them anyway.

THERE IS NO WINNING. SYSTEM OVERLOAD. Loading tear ducts. Commence cry.

“I have no idea.”

Sadly, this is the single most given reason I have for when my husband asks me why I’m crying.

Because the truth is, I don’t. I don’t have any idea why I’m sitting in front of the TV sobbing during Jeopardy. Or why rearranging the pantry made me so happy I involuntarily burst into tears.

Throughout pregnancy my body has actually shocked me with the surprises it has had in store for me, but this new-found “sobbing at a moment’s notice” thing has really thrown me for a loop. I recognize it as ridiculous and as something that didn’t happen ever before, but also as something that I’m probably just going to have to learn to deal with – or, more appropriately – that my husband has learned with incredible grace and compassion how to deal with.

So, the moral of the story? If you don’t want to spontaneously burst into irrational bouts of crying…don’t get pregnant.

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