I am woman! Hear me have an incredible guilt trip!

The crib arrived! THE CRIB ARRIVED! THE CRIB ARRIVED!

in crib with cat

And you thought I was kidding about the “place for my cat to sleep” thing. And yes, that’s me.

I really have a place for a little person to sleep! And, if any/all of my baby pictures were any indication, my cat will have a cozy place to nest herself, too!

One of the great things about working from home is that if the delivery people show up, you’re there (assuming they decide to drop something off at your door instead of at the leasing office, which is a 50/50 crapshoot and in which case I can never seem to get to the office at a time where I can pick up a package. But I digress.). So, when the crib showed up at my door I got extra excited, and not just because I would talk to a human being in person.

I pulled the box inside my apartment and stared at it.

I asked my dog if I should maybe just open it, you know, to see if there were any visible signs of damage. My dog said it was all cool. Remember, all: working from home for three years.

I opened the box. And then, you know, I made sure to take all the packing materials off to just double-check for damage.

Then something came over me. If I call it pregnancy brain it’s a disservice to pregnancy brain, because it was more that some little voice in the back of my head said, you know, you’re not half-bad at assembling things. I bet you could put this together. To which I replied (again, working from home for 3 years does NOT a normal sense of self-conversations make), AM pretty good at assembling things, brain! You’re right! I am woman! Rawr!

And so it began. I went into action mode. I laid out all the pieces and parts just like the directions said. I made sure to cross-reference the different sizes of screws and bolts and be familiar with each type, and then I just did it. I assembled the crib all by myself. Now, it could be that this crib was excessively easy to assemble (which it was, by the way), but suddenly I looked up and it was done.

I AM WOMAN. I CAN NOT ONLY WATCH AN OUTRAGEOUS AMOUNT OF ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK IN ONE SITTING BUT I CAN ASSEMBLE A PLACE FOR MY CHILD TO SLEEP ALL BY MYSELF.

Hear me roar!

As I sat there admiring my own handiwork and feeling empowered the phone rang. It was TLH, telling me that he was on his way home. I immediately told him of my triumph and assembly skills expecting some sort of, “Wow!” or “You deserve even more chocolate than normal because you’re normally amazing and this is extra amazing!”

Silence.

“Did you hear me?”

“…wait…you put together the entire crib? It’s done?”

At this point, I realized I may have fumbled the parenthood ball a little bit. I just had to figure out where I went wrong.

“Well, um, maybe some of the screws need to be tightened, now…um…is that…ok?”

Silence again.

Uh oh.

“Well, um, it’s not like that’s the one thing I wanted to put together or anything and that you imagine doing for your firstborn son or anything, you know, a father putting together his son’s crib.

Oh. Crap. I get it now. Yup. Loud and clear.

I immediately began trying to backtrack, but there was only so much backtracking I could do before I backed straight into a fully assembled crib.

I am woman. Hear me whimper quietly and apologize.

The assembled crib, with the most adorable stuffed giraffe I have ever seen. And the hind quarters of my dog because obviously.

The assembled crib, with the most adorable stuffed giraffe I have ever seen. And the hind quarters of my dog because obviously. If you look closely enough, you can actually see my shame wafting out of the crib like odors in a cartoon.

TLH walked in the door and I sheepishly showed him the finished crib. He inspected my work, and tightened the screws and we put it into the nursery, which is honestly just an amalgamation of pieces of baby stuff with no rhyme or reason or decorating. I swore to TLH I would let him assemble the changing table, which enthused him far less, probably because of the whole “a sleeping baby is way more fun to think about than a pooping baby” thing.

I’ll chalk this one up to a complete bumble on my part. It wasn’t the first, and certainly won’t be the last. TLH of course forgave me as he usually does, and did help assemble the changing table, suggesting that we do it together like civilized adults in a partnership. (The guilt! THE GUILT!)

At some point we’ll get around to the decorating stuff, too.

I hope.

P.S. If you are curious about what crib we got – it’s this one, the Jenny Lind convertible. It’s well-priced (~$199), very sturdy, and, in my opinion, adorable. And, clearly, it’s easy to assemble, too. I love this crib, and, as it stands right now, would absolutely recommend it. I’ll probably even write more about it later and why I chose the crib I chose. Once I get over the guilt.

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