My newest bestest friend: the hot water bottle

It may be a little late, but I have a new man in my life. Let me explain.

Oh, baby. Yes.

Oh, baby. Yes.

If you’re pregnant or have had a child then you know about the back pain. If you don’t, I don’t know what to tell you. You’d be my hero if I didn’t hate you so much. Your ass is probably the same size as before, too. I bet you probably never gave into pregnancy cravings. Or you craved steamed broccoli and green beans instead of Entenmmann’s doughtnuts. Whoever you are, you mystical pregnant lady, I don’t think you actually exist. Or if you do, we have literally nothing in common. Kudos to you for existing on a higher plane of reality.

For the rest of us…back pain has become a way of life. For those not pregnant yet, I can tell you this now: just prepare for the back pain. It kind of moves around and depends on sitting position, activity, or, more usually, there is no logic to it at all. It just appears. Out of absolutely nowhere. TLH tried some massages, and even some that we learned about in our 7-hour “labor and birthing” class, which were great, but generally ineffective as soon as he stopped touching me.

hamishEnter in my new best friend: the hot water bottle. I have named him Hamish, since it’s an old-fashioned name and this is a ridiculously old-fashioned remedy. But here’s the thing: I don’t care that I’m secretly 87 years old if it makes my back feel better. I bought this one.

I put it over where my back was hurting and the pain relief was immediate. All of a sudden it felt like my back ligaments and muscles instantly relaxed and I almost existed on that plane of reality where I would crave broccoli instead of Entenmann’s. Almost. Because come on. Let’s get serious. But it was closer than I had been before, and that’s something.

Hamish, I don’t know how I lived without you. Thank you for existing. You’re my man.

I had never used a hot water bottle before, but I figured it would require boiling water in a kettle and pouring it in, risking scalding burn marks in exchange for a slightly eased pain. However, as I usually am, wrong again. All you do is get your tap really hot, fill the hot water bottle up 2/3 of the way up, squeeze out the air, and twist up the cap while the air is being squeezed out. It is so easy even I can do it. Without coffee. The fact that Hamish is clear (scandalous, Hamish!) helps a lot with the water level, too.

Plus! I learned about a potential bonus with him!

While in Florida visiting one of my bestest friends in the entire world before she leaves to move to South Africa (let’s not talk about how jealous I am…) her mom gave me a great tip. Her mom is a former NICU nurse with 5 children of her own. I should probably go and pump her for more information, but this nugget is great.

Supposedly sometimes in the middle of the night when you have to change/feed/do whatever it is you need to do for the baby, sometimes they have a hard time going back to sleep because the crib gets cold, which makes sense, since I don’t like going back to cold sheets going to the bathroom, so going back after 20 minutes with no covers would make me cranky, too. Her tip was to just plop the hot water bottle in the crib while you change/feed/hold the baby wondering why I chose to bring a sleep-robbing being into my life willingly, and then when you put the baby back in the crib it’s not too much of a shock to them because it’s been kept warm.

Even if it doesn’t work, it’s worth a shot! Especially because Hamish paid for himself within 5 minutes of back pain relief.

So my suggestion? Go get a hot water bottle. You’ll thank me. But hands off Hamish. He’s mine.

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