Things that become magically acceptable when you get pregnant

I joke a lot about some of the “not so fun” things about being pregnant. However, as my waist has started expanding and I tell more and more people about being pregnant, I realized there might be some distinct advantages to being and/or looking pregnant when and if you decide you’re ready for human interaction. Here are a few I can come up with.

“I really just want to have pizza tonight/today/this morning/any time.”

Before pregnancy: “Didn’t you JUST have pizza…yesterday?” (Yes, and your point is…I’m a human being? Is there a problem here?)

When you “look” pregnant: “Awww, that’s adorable! Cravings are adorable! You’re eating for two now! Eat that pizza, you adorable mama!” (Can dosville, babydoll. Check and mate.)

Falling/tripping over the sidewalk/air

Before pregnancy: “Nice TRIP there, see ya next FALL!” “What did you even TRIP ON?” (Nothing. The answer is nothing. I’m just a clumsy person and always, always have been. Also, never heard that one before. You’re so clever.)

When you “look” pregnant: “Awww, that’s adorable! Pregnancy can make you clumsy!” (Nope, sorry. I’m just as clumsy as ever, but I appreciate your new leniency.)

Drinking water and it goes down the wrong pipe and then coughing embarrassingly uncontrollably

Before pregnancy: “Uhhh…you…ok there?” (Looks of disdain usually ensue. C’mon people, it’s not like this hasn’t happened to you.)

When you “look” pregnant: 
“Awww, that’s adorable! Pregnancy can make you suddenly forget how to drink water!” (Again, thanks? But I’m pretty sure this isn’t limited to pregnant people.)

Wearing stretchy pants as much as humanly possible, even possibly beyond past social norms

Before pregnancy: “Hmmm…so…yeahhh…hmmm…” (Note: this is mostly my husband’s reaction because I do wear real pants when out in public and I work from home. Who wears real pants when they don’t have to and they work from home?! Nobody, that’s who.)

When you “look” pregnant: “Awww, that’s adorable! Your adorable growing belly just needs some comfy pants!” (Yes, because this is DEFINITELY a deviation from my normal patterns of behavior and not just that I happen to own waytoomanytocount pairs of exercise capris. Let’s keep going with that.)

Failing to do things well in yoga

Before pregnancy: “Hmmm…don’t worry, you’ll…get there.”

When you “look” pregnant: “Awww, that’s adorable! You go girlfriend! Do what YOU need to do! Boo yeah!”

Having literally 0% desire to clean the house

Before pregnancy: “You’re an adult. Buck up.”

When you “look” pregnant: “Awww, that’s adorable! I bet you’re exhausted! Go take a nap and/or watch trash TV on Bravo.” (Well, you know, if you insist and all…)

And then…the big flipper of all these…
Knowing nothing about babies and raising children

Before pregnancy: “Oh, well, you know, you’ll learn when you have kids”

When you “look” pregnant: “I’m pretty sure you should know all this already. But just in case you haven’t read it yet, here is my [potentially controversial] opinion on [insert literally anything about pregnancy and motherhood you could possibly imagine here].”

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